One of those days

It is one of those days again – the mid life crisis hits. The question ringing in my head – what the fuck am I doing in life and the purpose of my life.

I often wonder, as I take the long walk with the early morning crowd at Raffles Place MRT, what would make of my life ten, twenty years down the road (if things work out fine, I should be contented with a husband driving us in a luxury car – the ‘typical Singaporean’ mentality). But what do I make of that nagging feeling of discontentment – the experiencing of ‘The Now’ rather than the planning of ‘The Should Be’.

It makes me laugh at how in the office, people are politicking and playing the game all to climb that corporate ladder. Seriously, what’s the point? Some people put work and all that power that comes with it at the center of their universe, I find it sad for them. They may have achieved great personal success but to me, some have failed in so many aspects of proper humane behaviours – like basic respect for others, like putting the interest of others first, spending quality time with family. I may be generalising but success doesn’t come without scarifices. I suppose.

I had a crazy idea the other day that The BF and I should drop everything and go study/explore the world – before it’s too late. It probably will never happen but I guess my point is, I can still start taking baby steps towards leading a life in ‘the present’.

Perhaps, I ain’t that ready as yet for marriage. I love the idea of reaping my investments after a 9 years lockdown of my money (;p) but at times I think of marriage and having kids a chore! Especially with such crazy ideas, a kid will probably mean leading a normal life!

There was a time when I had crazy business ideas but It has always stayed as it is – pages in a book, a average list of crazy ideas – nothing ever materialized out of it. I was never brave and might never be. I was taken aback when I told a group of my friends my ideas but felt snubbed. I told myself not to share these with uninspiring people – they just don’t get it.

Sorry for this crazy juxtaposition of random statements. I may sound depressed but am actually inspired to probably take steps to lead a more fulfilling life – to shift away from the typical Singaporean mentality.

Wish me luck.

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