Hello & Goodbye

Rekindle old friendships – reserved only for people who matters, for people who have made a difference in my life. Not those vindictive, petty people whose actions and behaviour screams – “I don’t friend you, hmpf”. I am 26 this year, I need not be so concerned in pleasing everyone. I guess if it doesn’t kill anyone, I don’t have to go out-of-the-way to reconcile only to be slapped in the face =_= not a nice feeling at all.

So yes, the point is. I want to take this time to rekindle some old friendships and to keep in touch and make contact. As we grow older and as the social circle becomes smaller, I realised how difficult it is to make new friends (or maybe cause I am really shy initially, I take a long time to warm up). As the people I meet are mostly from “work”, I cannot see myself forging friendships with them without letting slip my working persona. It is so hard to keep this image of positivity and to always know what to say (damn hard for the politically incorrect me) and what not to say.

Watch me go, as I attempt to be the organiser for outings. Watch me go, as I attempt to attend as many outings as I can. Watch me go, as I attempt to speak to people whom I meet on the streets and learn not to avert my gaze. Watch me go.. whee….

Tell me, would you rather someone who hates you:
a) Shows it outrightly by ignoring you, treating you as transparent, glares at you? or
b) Treats you cordially but stabs you in the back? A hypocrite.

Hmm. Give me choice B anytime. Don’t know, don’t care, don’t bother. It is knowing that someone hates you and yet you cannot do anything about it that is so frustrating. The helplessness you feel when you cannot control the matter and cannot twist the situation around that leaves you puzzled, confused and unable to plan your next step. The best strategy? Give her what she rightfully deserves. But of course, play smart ignore her but subtly shows her the sign that hey I am better than you. Haha. It is time this matter comes to a close or rather moving onto the next step. I am getting sick of such childish games. If she can’t show maturity, maybe I’ll demonstrate mine.

Ok, enough about that. I want to talk about something that has been bugging me. My name is Stephanie. Please do not ever call me Step! The short form can be Stephie, Steph, Stefan (ok, a Sec classmate used to call me that) but please do not ever call me Step! Do i in any way look like a bloody step to you? No, so don’t ever call me that. It irritates the hell out of me. I am absolutely fine with people calling me in short forms but no Step. Even Ah Zhu is better than Step. Serious. Not even in a SMS, no. It pisses me off. I don’t know why I’m so uptight about it, but it’s just irritating. Haha, I’m weird. My pet peeve, one of them.

Oh yea, this is the term break, but my school term seems like a long holiday to me anyway. But the infuriating thing is that my PC had to choose this time to break down. Crashed without warning. Argh. Damn. And worse still, my bro’s lappie is always used by him. Feel crippled without the free use of the computer in the afternoon. Stolen moments at night with the computer ever so precious. So can’t blame me for not blogging! I have better things to do.

Anyway. am pretty nervous about tomorrow. I rather not talk about it now, in case I jinx it. But yea shall update more about it. No matter what, please please wish me luck. I need a damn loads of it! Haha.

I want to blog more. My entries are getting lesser in frequency and the time lapse between each post is longer than I like, but I lead a pretty boring life. Need some chilli and spice and something nice to liven things up.

Oh let me tell you a funny joke, I found it really amusing. My bf, his younger brother, mom and I were talking. His brother went to carry his weights in the afternoon when he was training and we were all telling him how he should not be carrying weights at his age as it would impede his growth.

Mom: Yea, your older brother so short now because he used to carry weights when he was young.
BF (straight-faced): yar you know Xiao Jie Jie (meaning me) last time used to carry very very heavy weights, two times her weight. She was very strong, that’s why…
Me : hahahahahaa…

Funny? I found it really funny. Haha. Ok enough lame shit for today. Bye!

Have been wanting to blog about this since… Christmas? Haha.. It was a bizarre day indeed.. A day where old wounds were treated (lame phrase haha..) .. A day of reconciliation.. It was as if the few things that have been bugging me off late were brought together on that one day to bring a closure.. Ok not really one were to bring a new persective and to let me “play the game” in my sister’s words better..

New Perspective: Me VS Evil One!

If you guys still remember the bad blood I have with a particular member of my bf’s family.. his erm.. “da sao” thereafter named the “evil one” since the printer incident.. it seems that her hatred for me is much more then that.. It is as if everything I do now is a thorn in her eye.. Well, things got quite bad and my boyfriend finally! decided to intervene.. Well he did see me trying to make an effort to be NICE to her.. Well.. Remember Camille’s famous line from American Next Top Supermodel? “Kill (insert person you hate name) with kindess” yes that was what I was doing.. i was killing her with kindness.. haha.. I sound so vindictive… but seriously if you were in my situation i bet you would do the same.. someone hating you.. someone always throwing daggers stares at you.. someone who leaves the room when you enter it.. someone who pretends to be nice in front of everyone..someone who cannot bear to be in the same room as you.. and for what.. i always question myself.. for what..

Anyway.. apparently my bf went to talk to his mom about our situation and his mom went to speak to her.. to find out the reasons why she hates me so.. it hurts so much to hear those words spoken about me.. i was really upset.. i mean talk about “the pot calling the kettle black”.. so “yuan wang” you know.. being the weak me… i cried upon hearing what she said… of all my twenty years… no on has hated me as much as her.. no one has treated me as badly as her… i feel victimised… she’s a real baddie.. haha.. sound so childish and immature here…

but the consolation i get is that my bf is on my side.. woohoo… he helped me fight my case.. he felt indignant for me! woohoo.. and his mom also sided with me.. well sort of.. but oh well i was happy enough to know that in this saga, she looked the worst.. with her pettiness and her narrow-mindedness.. while I looked slighty better.. at least i have never hurt her with evil intentions… “an eye for an eye”.. ahahaha…

geez.. but the first meeting after i heard what she said about me was bad.. the things she said were in repeat mode in my mind… everything she does.. i would feel damn pissed cause i thought it was a reflection of what she said… oh well.. it must be our “eight words” literal translation not compatible.. hee…

i gained a better perspective after listening to the advice given by the two most important person in my life.. my sister and him.. they really drilled into me what i have to do.. to survive.. to “play the game” in their words.. well.. guess it would be wise to heed their advice..since i am such a dumb and simple-minded girl.. if i am strong.. i would never bother myself with her…

Reconciliation: a message from an old friend

at about an hour into christmas i recieved a message from her.. the friend whom i once hurt… i was surprised.. but nonetheless damn happy when i saw the contents of it.. i always had the intention to message her but had been procrastinating.. for fear that she would not accept my apologises or her luke-warm response.. so can you imagine the joy i felt when i knew that she has forgiven me.. well hopefully things would turn out for the better in the future.. with the two of us making an effort to restore what was lost..

it seems like this christmas has been queer in a way.. i do not know how to put it.. but nonetheless.. the message i received from her.. made this christmas one happy one (minus the thoughts of the evil one).. caused i know she still remembers me… thank you my friend.. you made my day..

ME VS THE EVIL ONE!

2 major quarrels in consecutive days.. My eyes are all puffed-up and swollen.

So the 2nd quarrel is back to the same, old problem. She has always been the cause of many of our arguments, quarrels and unhappiness. I know he hates it when I bring her up but I just cannot help it. After all, she is the person I hate most in the entire world. And when I hate someone I REALLY hate someone. The words I spew is so mean that you will regret ever offending me. *Evil grin*

Normally, I am a peace-loving, “everybody is nice” kind of girl but when it comes to her, *roar*, my evil prowess is released. Ok, it just so happens that this person is a part of his family (Note: it is not his mother, I am chummy with her. She is one of the nicest person on earth. And he has two male siblings. One elder and one younger. So go figure) and considering how family-oriented he is and being stuck in the middle of us, he usually gets very irritated with me when I bring up the topic.

It all started because of a dumb printer that I did not even ask for in the first place. I was innocent all along. My stupid boyfriend was the one who got me into this shit. It was such a ridiculous and petty matter. But she being four years my senior could not get over it and things just started getting from bad to worse. Notice things were never good, we were not exactly the best of friends, but at least we did not see each other as an eye-sore. Now, its like I treat her as shit in my eye, and she treats me as invisible. The thing that irks me the most is how she treats my boyfriend so nicely but treats me like dirt. (Ok I exaggerate but still..).

I have never hated someone more than her. And I have to say this I get along well with almost everyone. I doubt I have made many enemies in my twenty years, so this is really one hell of a tough case for me. When I talk about her, I have so much energy and I repeat the words I say are not kind at all. I am very proud to say that I have this great ability to relate many different events back to her. Haha.. the usual ‘sweet little innocent girl’ becomes the monster when the topic is about her. (Now, what did your mama tell you about offending a girl?)

So, my poor bf is stuck in the middle, one side is his gf, the other (the evil one) is his family. Things are so bad even his mother notice how bad she treats me. (Ok so words are twisted to suit my predicament. Since none of you would know her, I can twist it all I want. *Roar*).

I actually thought that I could not get along with her because of her dialect, which happens to be Hakka. And why do I say that its because she says that she gets along best with Hakka people. But then again, my boyfriend is Hakka. I have many friends who are Hakka too. And I get along real fine with them. So it must be her problem huh.

Now that you guys have a brief background, you should know the root of the quarrel then. I was once again lamenting about her attitude towards me. And like after having said it like the thousandth times, he could not take my grumblings and got so pissed off. Was supposed to meet my family for dinner at Sakae Sushi but it ended so badly that he stormed off and I could not even finish a plate of sushi. All is well and fine now but not after much tears (mine of course!).

But oh well, as much as I hate her and cannot get along with her. I have to stop letting her be the cause of so much trouble. So I made a promise to myself that I would try to complain less about her to him and slam her in my blog. Hahaha.. *evil laughter* After all, it is my PERSONAL blog.