Hello & Goodbye

First up, Happy Lunar New Year to all! May the Year of the Rabbit bring prosperity, good wealth and health to you and your family. Let’s all Huat together =)

As we usher in the Year of the Rabbit, I took the opportunity to reflect on the Year of the Tiger and what it brought. It sure was hell of a good year, the year that was very kind to me.

Here are my highlights (in somewhat a chronological order – the good and the bad)…

• Diagnosed with Alopecia areata, had steroids injected into my scalp (ouch!) and am almost recovered. It is still wispy but at least it is no longer patchy. Only a few people knew about it and the BF was extremely sweet – following me to each and every doctor’s appointment
• The Ex-Company went through a M&A – a most tumultuous time in my career as I worked without knowing what the future entails.
• Rock-Climbed!! Okay, it was not the first time I rock-climbed but doing it again was fun! I would love to do it again.
  

  Spidey to the rescue

• Bought 1/2 a car, the other 1/2 belongs to the BF! A Suzuki SX4, we named Sunday – because it starts with a “S” and contains a “Y” – heh. This little baby of ours have been draining my hard-earned money, but when the BF asked if I have ever regretted buying it – a big resounding “No”. It has been more of a blessing to have our own ride whenever we need it. (ps realised this is one of few pictures we have of Sunday, oops)

Sunday's Booty

• The IJ gal pals chartered a yatch for 1/2 a day and we set sailed to the middle of nowhere. It was one relaxing Sunday with us tanning on the deck and taking tonnes of pictures!
• Took a beating in paintball. My team lost 3 out of 3? Or was it 2 out of 2? Anyhow, we were the big losers of the day! It was my first time and probably my last – it can get quite boring eh.

This is war!

• Took Sunday out on her first roadtrip on a 4 car contingent (17 people!) to Melaka! It was one hell of a trip – so much drama, but way fun and one that we would remember for life (which only means that the teasing of mrbu will never end).

drama in melaka

• The IJ gals finally went on a trip together! Something we have been planning for the longest time ever. It was meant to be the Hen’s night for YW but alas, circumstances changed which meant we celebrated the Hen’s night without the Hen. I had lots of fun on the trip, shopping wasn’t as fulfilling with 5 girls of differing taste but what matters most is travelling with friends – talking cock and becoming much closer than before

I love bangkok - a different experience each time

• The biggest event of the year for the IJ gal pals – the one thing we talked about, discussed about, met ever so often about – the marriage of YW and YW. We were the jiemeis but this time extra special since it was for someone closer to us. Alas, we are looking forward to the next one already.. Cheers to that! (heh – speaking of which, we are so losing that bottle of champagne to Btham – boo). Congrats to the newly-wed!!

Wedding of the year!

• And the biggest event of the year for me – I found myself a new job!! I got lucky there – it is in a good firm with great culture and extremely nice team mates. My “neighbour” at work (our workstation is one arm’s length away) is almost like me – opinionated, judgmental and we both love rolling our eyes – except she is way worse than me. If you think I am opinionated, you haven’t met DNg. (okay, if you were the privileged few who has my password – things have moved a little on this front)
• One frivolous highlight: my first branded big ticket item =) the Bf bought me a LV – yums!
• The most important of all, my family and friends were all healthy and mostly happy (many found love in the Year of the Tiger).

Birthdays&Celebrations!!

Woa, that was quite a year for me. As it is, changes are on its way in the Year of the Rabbit and I am looking forward as usual to another great year.

Thank you to all who have been with me in the past year, be it in showing support and encouragement or simply by making my day or making me smile with your presence. Cheers!

Huat arh!

This post is a reflection on some of the conversations that I’ve had with my girlfriends.

For a short period when we first bought Sunday (for the unaware, that’s the name of our co-owned car), to be honest, I had doubts about purchasing the car and was questioning myself on this major decision that I’ve made. In fact, I actually disliked the BF for a while and was constantly irritated, egged on by the fact that I felt that it  was a BIG mistake decision. The real reason behind this was really the fact that I could not walk away from this relationship anymore. It was no longer just between me and him and a bond called love. Now, with material involvement and responsibilities, there were more to consider in the event things turn sour. I was truly afraid and the non-committal part of me (never thought that of me, eh?) was actually worried that I would not only lose all my love but a big sum of money too.

At the end of the day though, I knew I was just being silly. This was a man I chose 8 years ago, worked together with on this relationship and no doubts about it, I will always be wary of the outcome, but at least I know he is willing to do more to make things work. Nevermind that I am currently the higher-paid of us two, sure, he would pay the installments first and I can pay him whenever, wherever. No qualms about me keeping the documents (even though I am the irresponsible one of us two) too, if it makes me feel better.

They asked, “what exactly are you afraid of?”. There isn’t quite a reason I can put to this fear, this fear of non-committment, this fear of fearing for the worst. Perhaps, at the end of the day, after having loved and lost and having your loved ones taken away so easily, that you feel most vulnerable, that there is that nagging feeling that happiness may only last as long as he chooses it to be. It is depressing, yes, it is pessimistic, yes, but at the end of the day, it is learning to protect yourself and harden against the harsh reality called life.

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The rational one said, “All I did was evaluate the weaknesses of the man I chose and think to myself if I could live with it”.

I told the young ones, “this is the man you chose, you learn to adapt. You do not change him for who he is, you adapt to who he is”, with a disclaimer of course, only if he is a worthy investment (and I don’t mean his wealth).

Making love work is hard (making love though is not quite hard work -heh), it takes a lot of committment on both sides to want to make things work. Of course like the rational one said, it is about “managing expectations”.

So perhaps it is about not comparing yourself to what a relationship should be about but rather what kind of relationship works for the both you. I used to say that I would not conform to the standards of the society – that by now we should be married or planning to – but little did I know that the constant questions on when we were getting married was really getting to me and giving us stress.

This conformity to society’s belief was actually creating tension and undue pressure on the BF and each time this topic came about, I could sense the uneasiness in the BF but I chose to ignore it. I was not acting what I’ve preached but a little fortune-telling session (heh) jolted me to my senses. It was only then that I realise that until we are ready, there is no need to listen to those whispering in my ears, that it is time. Now that I’ve found the right man, it is only a matter of time, that things are right.

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It is so easy to say – “then there is no point in being together” in the heat of the moment and say stupid things like “perhaps we are not meant to be” but never act on these words said on impulse. In my opinion, it is when all things are well and good but yet you have that feeling that perhaps it is not meant to be, that you take a step back to evaluate all that has happened – the quarrels, the tiff, the whatnot – and then say and decide if it is meant to be.

It is so easy to advise someone to walk away, walk away but it is so difficult to break from a habit. When you are so used to being two, suddenly walking alone doesn’t seem quite an attractive proposition. Maybe that is why there are so many cases of two-timing bfs/gfs and can you really blame them? Hanging on to something only out of familiarity and habit. The one left behind should also consider – was there a fundamental issue that I couldn’t satisfy instead of blaming the cheating one of having a wild heart.

My colleague said the best thing about being married is knowing that there will always be someone there for you – that when friends abandons you for their BFs/hubbies/families/other commitments, family abandons you for their GFs/BFs/hubbies/other family/other commitments, you know that your own BF/hubby is around to accompany you and while those times away.

To me, it is knowing that even after this guy has smelled your smelly fart/heard your evil thoughts/listened to all your gossiping/understands your insecurities/seen you at your fattest and skinniest/watched you drooling&snoring and after all still love you for who you are and stands by you in whatever you do and love you even more than ever, is that called a relationship that worked =)

Despite the initial hesitation, I am looking forward to Sunday.